Is Control Really a Illusion?

We've all heard someone talk about how control is an illusion. It is even in talked about in movies. I may be dating myself, but I can picture a scene from Days of Thunder where Nicole Kidman is yelling at Tom Cruise about this.

But just because it is said and thought to be true by people, and maybe even generally accepted to be true, does that make it true? You can ask this same question for anything. It may be a good practice to get into, instead of accepting things at face value.

I'm not saying that the idea of control is right or wrong, true or false. I'm just asking the question is it. Like many or even most things in life, it depends.

One of the main reasons people say you can't control things is in relation to life circumstances. So many things in our day to day lives are indeed out of our control. Traffic lights, other drivers, screaming babies, lines at the DMV or airport security, the weather. I could go on and on, but you get the picture, and have more ideas that have already come to mind. And I think everyone would agree that we do indeed have no control over these things. However, this doesn't mean there aren't other areas in our lives where we do have control. You can control when you eat or how much you eat. You can control whether or not to exercise, and what specific exercise you do. Many of the day to day repetitive things we do in our lives we do indeed have control over.

What I really want to focus on is the ability that we all have, that no situation or circumstance can ever take away, to control our thoughts, and how we respond to the world around us. Many of us have heard about the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps during World War II. Victor Frankl was a prisoner in some of these infamous camps, including Dachau and Auschwitz. His book, Man's Search for Meaning, I would highly recommend. One of his most basic concepts was this - no matter what circumstances you may be in, no matter what is taken away from you, you will always have the ability to choose how you respond to your situation.
This control can never be taken from you. You may choose to give that control away, through both your own actions and thoughts, but no one else has the power or capability to do that.

This is great news for us. How many times have you heard someone say they felt their life was out of control. I've often heard it said this was: "my life was spiraling out of control"

Life can sometimes feel like this. This life is difficult, its messy, we are imperfect beings trying to live and get along with a whole multitude of other imperfect beings. Friction, conflict, disagreements, arguments are inevitable. Bad things will happen to good people, catastrophes and accidents will occur. These are all a part of this world given to us.

Also given to us is the ability, if we so choose, to choose what we are going to think and feel, and how we are then going to respond to any situation we may face in life. This is great news. There is little that can give your life certainty, purpose, and direction than this ability of self determination. Once we discover this innate ability within each of us, we can then start to be intentional in how we think. even if it is in only a small way that no one notices but you. That's all we are concerned with anyway - you and your ability to choose your thoughts. Another thing that is a given in this world we live in is we can not control another person. They have the same innate ability that you do.

When you begin to shift your focus internally rather than directing that focus to things outside of you, there are some amazing things that happen, or at least can happen. With an internal focus, there is a lessening of uncertainty in your world. When you are intentional about your thoughts, those thoughts will become directed and purposeful, not reactive, random, or happenstance. There is very little that reduces uncertainty any better. This is the great news, as this gives you a feeling of freedom and control that most of us want when our lives feel turned upside down.

How do we access this ability. It's simple.
First, you have to want to be that way in your thoughts. 

Second, you have to notice, pay attention, and be aware of your thoughts. You have to ask yourself a lot of questions. You have to get curious about them. This is where people often get tripped up. This is work, and sometimes it is hard work. It isn't natural for us to question that the things we think might not be true. It takes a lot of practice and effort to make this become a natural process. And even then, we are imperfect, meaning we are going to do this imperfectly. We are going to choose incorrectly, we are not going to recognize incorrect or unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes, we are just not going to want to or even be able to manage the energy to do this. That's natural, normal, and part of the deal with being alive in an imperfect world and having an imperfect body. There is always the next moment, the next hour, the next day where we get to try again.

Third is consistency. Remember, the natural tendency is to ignore or not be aware of our thoughts and to just go with the flow and believe everything our brain tells us. It will always take energy and effort, so be prepared for this and keep at it.

It is a lot of work, but is work well worth doing. Being intentional and purposeful, curious and questioning will actually help insulate you from feeling bombarded by the many things this world throws at all of us every day.