Two Towers of Being Right: Rationalization and Justification

One of the more helpful things I learned about in therapy was the concept of Cognitive Thought Distortions. There are numerous sites on that you can go to to find a list of these. Here is one of them:

(https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/).

Before proceeding, let's define what we're talking about. A distortion is the action of giving a misleading account or impression. A thought distortion is a way in which our minds convince us of something that isn't true. 

A particular problem with thought distortions is they usually serve to reinforce negative  thinking or emotions - telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, which are not rational nor accurate. They serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

I found these lists of distortions fascinating. Truth be told, they were even a little intimidating and frightening, as a could readily think of several examples of most of these types of thinking: Should, Blaming, Fallacy of Fairness, and Catastrophizing are probably my most common ones.

I want to talk today about another very common distortion today - Always Being Right.

What? A thought distortion usually serves to keep us feeling bad about ourselves, but how does being right make us feel bad? Our brains are wired to think they are right. How can this then be a bad thing? Let me suggest a few ideas about this. You will then likely be able to think of many more.

2 team leaders disagree on the best way to train new team members, yet they both think they are right.

A husband and wife disagree on how to discipline their children, or how to parent, or how to handle finances ...

My thoughts (actions, behaviors, emotions ...) are not hurting anyone else, so I'm fine. My actions and behaviors must then be right.

What does it mean to be "right" We could have a long philosophical conversation about what it means to be right, but for our purposes, we are going to say that being right means getting or following a correct course. Now remember, our brains are wired to think they are right. 

BUT, what if they are not?

Thomas S. Monson, Dallin H Oaks, and D. Todd Christofferson, to name just a few, have talked about Moral Relativism. This is the idea that what is right is determined by each individual, or "To each his own"

But if our actions, or even our thoughts, are compared to a standard, as is taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, then there is dissonance. Things are not in harmony. There exists a state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

To the brain, this is very unsettling and uncomfortable. The brain just calls it pain. And the brain will always seek to minimize pain and discomfort. 

How does it do this?

Rationalization and Justification.

Rationalization is defined as "the action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with  logical reasons, even if not appropriate, to make it seem more appropriate or proper.

Notice the words attempting and seem. Explaining and justifying does not change the fact that wrong is wrong and inappropriate is inappropriate. No matter how hard or long you try, you CAN NOT make a wrong a right.

Justification is the act of proving or showing a state of being just, right, or reasonable, to explain something, especially a behavior or a thought. 

I had a wise Bishop who told me something profound, that I struggled with for several years to understand, and that I have found to be true. He told me "As soon as you start to justify yourself, you are in the wrong." 

Do we feel the need to explain ourselves when we are doing something that most people would consider right? Or do we reserve the explanations for when we are doing something most people would consider wrong, inappropriate, or improper? I'll leave this to you to answer.

Remember, you CAN NOT make a right a wrong.

The last comment I want to say about these two towers is the idea of the slippery slope of behavior. Human behavior is built, and changed, subtly, very gradually, and by degrees, over a prolonged time period. Almost never does someone simply wake up and have a dramatic change of behavior, whether positive or negative. These changes happen slowly, sometimes imperceptibly, like the movement of a glacier. In fact, like the movement of a glacier, we are unaware, within ourselves, that the changes are happening.

The scriptures tell us the Savior learned "line upon line" meaning little by little. This is the same way we learn, albeit much slower than the Savior. But if we learn this way, we will also unlearn, or forget, this way. These small changes will add up over time.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a retired airline pilot, once gave a talk a titled "A Matter of a Few Degrees" In it he relates how he would teach young pilots on the importance of staying on course. He would tell them if you flew around the world at the equator, but was just one degree off course, when you reached your starting point, you would be 500 miles away from where you intended to be.

This is what rationalization and justification can cause in us. If allowed, that thinking will lead you down a path you never intended to be on. And one day, you wake up, or are "woken up" and realize where you are and what you have become. And you will ask "how did I get here?"

The key with this type of thinking is the same for all of our thoughts. We have  to be aware. We have to spend time examining our thoughts. We have to scrutinize them and make sure they are the kind of thoughts we want to be having, if they are the kind of thoughts that are leading us to be on the course we want to be on. 

This is hard work, and your brain will want to resist. It will tell you all manner of stories, give all kinds of reasons for not doing the work. The seductive thought will come "you really son't need to do all this work" I say seductive because, as Korihor said in the Book of Mormon, that thought is pleasing to the carnal mind.

But those thoughts of rationalization and justification will only serve to keep you unhappy, stagnant, and moving in a direction you likely do not want to go. There is no peace, no contentment, and no happiness, giving way to these thoughts Of this, I can promise you it's the truth. Don't allow yourself to take the easy, smooth, unchallenging path. Do the work to guard your thoughts, especially against these two towers. 

It's so worth it!!